So our Egg Pick Up went reasonably well on Wednesday morning and I woke up from the anesthetic to learn 3 eggs were collected. While this is not an amazing number in terms of IVF it was 3 times better than the one we collected last time so I was happy. I did however have more pain this time and had to lay pretty low for the rest of the day. My dog kindly stepped in as my hot water bottle, laying across my belly and watching movies with me. My husband was a legend throughout the whole process and helped to stop my mind from running wild with possibilities before hand.
I was a bit emotional for the rest of the day, partly happy that we got 3 eggs and partly scared that they wouldn’t fertilize and they wouldn’t be enough. Thursday morning brought fantastic news in that all 3 fertilized over night. It was time for more tears, all be it happy ones this time. The embryologist also confirmed we would be going for a 3 day transfer and that I was all booked for Saturday morning. I had just enough time to write the appointment in my diary and tell my husband before I received a call from my specialist to say that still may not be the case. He was concerned my endometrial lining was too thin which would not support a pregnancy if we were to go through with the transfer. The plan from here is to take some extra meds over the next couple of days to try and thicken my lining, while also hoping that the embryos will be good quality and able to be frozen to transfer at a later date.
I’m confused about what I should feel at the moment. Ultimately its better if they are good quality and we can do a freeze all cycle, however if not, the best option is to transfer them and hope my lining thickens enough in that time? I’m scared we will lose/not make the most of these embryos we have fought so hard to get. I’m trying to trust that all the vitamins, acupuncture, herbs and meds have been enough to give me good quality embryos but we won’t know until tomorrow morning. I’m booked for acupuncture early in the morning and then again around lunch time to help support the transfer if it goes ahead but I hope we can save our little embryos until a later date when my lining is optimum for transfer. I guess I just have to follow what the specialist and embryologist suggest is the best course of action and hope for the best. Keep all your fingers and toes crossed for me that either way, we get our little miracle soon. x
So finally tomorrow is Egg Pick Up Day! I had another scan with my specialist yesterday and we have 10 follicles of good size and a couple of other smaller ones that are just behind but may grow a little bit more before tomorrow. Unfortunately my endometrial lining is still too thin so will need to start some additional meds after the Egg Pick Up to try and improve that before transfer. Worst case scenario we can do a freeze all cycle and save any little embryos for a later date when my lining is improved. No point implanting them if they are not going to stick!
I had yesterday off work which I had organised in advance given I had expected Egg Pick Up to be yesterday. I was so glad I did as between the scan appointment and then having to drive 45mins to the other side of town to put in the prescription for these new meds which could only be done at that pharmacy, I was exhausted. That and now feeling very bloated and sore. Hence the elastic waist pants! My ovaries feel like these horrible hard bubbles that could burst at any moment. Very tender and I’m aware of them even just with the shock of my foot hitting the ground each time I take a step. I don’t remember it being quite so sore last time so I will hope that is a good sign for more eggs this time. I did my trigger shot at 7:30pm last night all ready for surgery at 7:30am tomorrow morning.
At this stage I feel like I should be getting nervous about what will happen tomorrow. Last time I was really nervous before hand as I had not had a general anesthetic since I was a child and was a little freaked out about how I would respond. I’m not so worried about that this time but I can’t help but be scared of only getting one or even no eggs this time. I was so confident we would get a decent number last time and was then shattered when the nurse came to tell me we only got one. While my specialist is confident we will get more this time there is still a small piece of me that is scared this might all be for nothing. I’m going into it with the hope of 2 eggs as that is already a success compared to last time, but in reality it is something I have absolutely no control over and will just have to keep my fingers crossed that is goes well. And if not, we managed to cope with that last time and will do so again. I know my husband is much more confident this time as we have both been in a much better place this whole cycle, but that also scares me that it is further to fall if things don’t go to plan.
I guess this is the point where it is all out of our control, we just have to trust the experts and hope like hell that my body is willing to play the game. Wish me luck for tomorrow and fingers crossed we can transfer a little embaby next week.
OK today it has hit me. I woke up feeling uncomfortable, exhausted and just wanting this to be over. The injections hurt like crazy last night and both spots bled when I removed the needle. I didn’t get the same awful feeling as when I injected the vein last week but it still wasn’t nice. I’m not sure if it was because I had had acupuncture earlier in the day and had extra blood flow in the area or I’m just getting so much of all the drugs in my system now.
Either way, I feel tired and crappy and like I could cry for no reason at all. I keep trying to tell myself ‘this will all be worth it when I’m pregnant’, but I can’t help but worry, ‘what if I’m not?’. I’m trying really hard to push the negative thoughts aside because I have felt so strong during this cycle but I guess we all have our limits. Hopefully a weekend of relaxing and nice things with friends and family will drag me out of this funk and I will be pumped again by Egg Pick Up next week.
I keep looking back to a quote that keeps me going – “Everything will be ok in the end, and if its not ok, it’s not the end”. We will make our baby dreams come true one way or another. I just have to tough this out and remember I am only human. It is ok to feel sad, tired and flat at times. You just can’t be that way all the time and need to focus on all the good things in life. This afternoon I will go home and hug my puppy, for one day he will not be my only baby and I have to give him all the love I can now. Already feeling a bit better just getting these feeling out of my head. Time to take a deep breath, put my big girl pants on and tackle this day like any other. Hopefully just a few more days of injections to go.
So here we are nearly at the halfway point of this cycle. There have been ups and downs but overall I really can’t complain.
First injection was 337mgs of Menopur on day 3 of the cylce and it’s fair to say it did not quite go to plan. Somehow I managed to accidentally inject directly into a vein. Certainly not what you are supposed to do and I have never done this previously. I knew something wasn’t quite right when I started to inject as I felt a rush go through me (which I had never experienced before). I stopped and pulled the injection out a bit before putting in the rest of the dose. A large drop of blood came out with the needle confirming what I suspected. As soon as I’d finished I went straight from the dining table where I was sitting to the couch to lie down as I felt like I was going to faint. Then a rush of nausea hit me and I knew something was not right. My heart was racing and I was not sure if this was a side effect of what I’d just done or simply me freaking out about it.
It was it scary to say the least. My husband called “Nurse on call” and explained the situation and she said that while it was not dangerous to inject the Menopur directly into a vein it meant that I had received the entire dose in one quick hit rather than slowly adsorbing through the fatty tissue over a few hours. It was a really unpleasant feeling and I still felt a bit ‘off’ the next day.
The good news is no further ‘mistakes’ since then and all has been going smoothly with the injections. I am still on the same dose of Menopur every day with the addition of 250mgs of Orgalutran to stop me from ovulating prior to Egg Pick Up.
Side effects wise I think I’ve been pretty lucky. Just one day of feeling ‘bitchy’ on Sunday – I advised my husband to ignore me for the day as I could just tell I was going to snap at anything he said. Since Sunday I have been feeling really tired with the constant need to nap (I would so love to, but work kind of gets in the way of that) and also feeling a little bloated. No real pain in my tummy yet but I’m sure that is yet to come!
This morning I had my first scan which revealed 9 little follicles growing. The 5 on my left ovary are a little bigger, measuring between 7mm and 12mm with the 4 on the right side a little behind, measuring between 5mm and 7mm. We are going to give the little ones a bit more of a chance to catch up so Egg Pick Up now looking like it will be next Wednesday rather than Monday. Another scan Monday morning and continue with everything else as is until then.
Overall I’m happy with how everything is going and still feeling positive, even if I’m exhausted. I figure its all just practice for when we actually have a baby one day. I’m feeling very lucky to have such a great support network around me with friends and my Mum regularly checking in to see how I’m travelling. Just have to keep taking it one step and one day at a time.
So today marks day 1 of our second cycle. The last few weeks have been very busy a friends’ wedding (in which I was bridesmaid) and the birth of 2 babies in my close friendship group. Both little boys are just gorgeous and it was nice to feel just happiness for them both. I still tend to feel a tinge of jealousy whenever I hear about a pregnancy announcement but I feel I am able to manage my emotions well with other aspects now. I feel far more confident that this will happen for us at some stage rather than scared it will not happen at all.
So how am I feeling about this cycle? Excited, nervous, slightly scared but overall relatively relaxed and positive (will see how that changes in the coming days/weeks). I feel like this time around I know what I am getting myself into and my husband and I are both better prepared for what to expect. Last time I worked full time through the whole process, this time I have blocked out a few 1/2 days at work so I can have some down time and relax if I need to. Last time my husband was very sick, fingers crossed that won’t happen this time around. The other difference is we have chosen to let a few close, select people in on what we are going through this time. Last cycle it felt like a big secret we couldn’t tell anyone and still had to put on a brave face even when I was feeling terrible. I hope having a few nearest and dearest we can lean on will help make the process a bit easier. Not just for me but for my husband too.
I did a big cook up yesterday with lots of nutritious and healthy snacks and meals so I can eat as healthily as possible without the extra stress of trying to cook alot during the cycle. All these little steps make me feel stronger and like I have my ‘Game Face’ on and ready to tackle this! We got this! Picking up meds tomorrow morning and then start injections on Thursday night.
Fingers crossed this cycle sees us get the result we so dearly would love, but if not I know we can always go again. Wish me luck!