Celebrating Mums when you so desperately want to be one.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it was one of those really bitter sweet days. While I love my mum to pieces and it was so lovely to shower her with the love she deserves, it’s another reminder of something you so desperately want but just can’t seem to grab hold of.

We started the day with the Mother’s Day Classic, a 4km walk around Melbourne’s gardens to help raise money for breast cancer research and celebrate our beautiful Mums. My mother-in-law is one of the lucky ones who managed to beat breast cancer so it’s a special day for her to help acknowledge the help and support she received and to remember those who were unable to fight off the big C. It was a glorious morning with the sun shining and while it was a cool 6 degrees Celsius I was warmed by the love around me in the crowd. I was lucky enough to walk alongside my husband, my mum and dad, my mother-in-law and her husband and 2 of my sisters-in-law and one of their husbands. It was a beautiful positive start to the day. When then had breakfast out with my parents and enjoyed a great catch up over yummy food.

I had decided on a social media ban for the day knowing seeing many of my friends sharing photos of their first mother’s days would be difficult for me. I broke the ban to quickly post a few pictures from our walk in the morning and then logged out again. I did however receive a beautiful message from one of my mum’s friends (practically an aunt to me) saying she was thinking of me which was so kind of her. She had her own struggle to fall pregnant over 30 years ago and knows how hard these moments are. It was a really sweet gesture.

In the afternoon we headed to my sister-in-law’s new house to celebrate with all of my husband’s extended family. It was a little awkward when his grandma came around with little posy’s of flowers for all the mums and came up to me and said ‘Oops! Your not a mum are you!’. It was such a simple thing said on her behalf with no malice behind it (she doesn’t know about our struggle) but it cut me to the core. I looked up at my husband and I could see the look of sympathy in his face but it was difficult to just laugh it off and say ‘No, not me!’.

I came home and made the mistake of logging into Facebook without thinking and while having a quick scroll through 4 separate pregnancy announcements popped up. I instantly regretted my decision. While I am getting better at taking this news the tricky thing is 3 of them were friends announcing baby number 2 is on the way. I know it’s ridiculous to feel this way but I can’t help but think that’s a bit selfish having 2 children when some of us so desperately just want one! I had a little cry and moved on but I’m glad mothers day is over for another year.

I can only hope that by next Mother’s day we might have a little bun in the oven but I have learn’t not to put a time limit on these things as my body will not do anything it doesn’t want to until it is damn well ready! We are now 5 days post trigger shot so hoping I did actually ovulate late last week and can expect a period mid next week. I guess we will just have to wait and see. I did however celebrate my furbaby yesterday and his undeniable love for me. While he may not be a human baby he is a pretty awesome consolation prize. He really seems to know when I need to extra cuddles and that’s exactly what we did last night. I hope he is not my only baby but he will always be my first.

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