The roller coaster continues.

So it has been a little longer than I had intended between posts, however so much has happened so quickly it felt silly to update when the information we were getting was changing so quickly.

To cut a long story short, the transfer was cancelled last Saturday as we had 3 good quality 8 cell day 3 embryos. The plan was to wait until my lining was improved and then do a Frozen Embryo Transfer when the time is right. This is where it all got confusing as we had to decide what to do with the 3 embryos. Option 1 was freeze all three as they were, option 2 was allow them to continue to grow in the lab and hopefully become blastocysts, which are the best quality to transfer, or option 3 was to do a mix of the two options. While blastocysts have higher pregnancy rates, only one in 4 fertilized embryos will make it to that point.

We found this to be a really difficult decision! It was like choosing what to do with your children in a really weird way? The embryologist kept throwing all these figures and chances of each outcome and it all got really confusing. Luckily we were able to speak to our specialist and he helped us to make the decision. He suggested that we freeze one embryo at day 3 as a ‘back up plan’ and then allow the other 2 to continue growing in the lab. This would hopefully give them a chance to try and achieve blastocyst stage. I was comfortable with this and felt like we were hedging our bets and giving our little embryos the best chance.

The other advantage to not doing a transfer is having a break from meds! On Saturday night I was able to enjoy a glass of wine and it felt so nice to be ‘normal’. The pressure was off and I could be me again for a while, rather than a pill popping pin cushion drugged up on hormones. I actually felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Come Monday morning and I received a call from the lab to say one of our 2 embryos was growing nicely and would likely achieve blastocyst, but the other one had slowed down and was less likely. I still felt ok with this as one out of the 2 is a pretty good result. Unfortunately everything came crashing down on Wednesday morning when the lab called to say neither of them had made it. I think this hit me as a real shock as I was so relaxed and confident that we had one strong little fighter. To know we were back to just one shot at this was pretty devastating. I felt like we had put all this time and energy and money and pain into nothing.

I took the afternoon off work and wallowed in self pity, crying until I had no tears left. Luckily I was seeing the acupuncturist that night who was able to put things into perspective. She explained that some embryos simply don’t like being in the lab. Its not a reflection of my egg quality or that I am a failure at this IVF process. Some embryos simply do better in you than in a petri dish. I guess if I am faced with the same decision again I am more likely to freeze all of the embryos, but you don’t know unless you try hey?

So back to see the specialist on Monday and come up with a plan to thicken my lining and transfer this last little guy. I can only hope this is the one but if its not meant to be we will just have to regroup and throw ourselves into this crazy process all over again.



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